I have met people who claim that they don’t like peanut butter. Allergies are one thing, but simply not liking it? Ridiculous. I assume these same people enjoy pulling the wings off of butterflies and farting in elevators, and I want nothing to do with them. This recipe is not for those people, it’s for the rest of the normal humans in the world who love the bejeepers out of some PB.

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” Nobody wants your fingers in their dessert. Focus.”

This is another one of those recipes of which there are a thousand slightly different versions, and nobody knows who came up with it first. The first time I came across this recipe was on this website; I have adjusted the preparation and some of the quantities slightly. The real beauty of this recipe is its simplicity, ease of preparation, and minimum number of ingredients. An added bonus is that the finished product is maddeningly delicious and will throw you into an immediate sugar-and-peanut-butter induced coma.

Ingredients

• 2 1/4 cups graham cracker crumbs (about half a box of crackers)
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 1 cup salted butter, melted
• 1 cup peanut butter
• 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 1 bag chocolate chips (11oz)

Directions

Take a bunch of graham crackers and smash the crap out of them. You can use a blender or a food processor, but I find that a plastic bag and a wooden spoon work just fine. Leave the peanut butter alone – don’t eat any of it. I know it’s tempting, but just put it somewhere out of sight for now. Where were we? Graham crackers. Once you have pounded two cups of crumbs into oblivion, dump them into a big bowl. Add the brown sugar and powdered sugar and whisk together thoroughly.

Stop eating the peanut butter. Stop it. You won’t have enough for the recipe if you’re going to be a little piggy.

Melt the butter and add it to the dry ingredients, and add the vanilla as well. Yes, you are allowed to touch the peanut butter now. Add a cup to… No. To the bowl, not your face. I’m serious. It goes in the bowl. There, I knew you could do it. Stir everything up until it’s an even consistency and scoop it into an ungreased 9×13 baking dish.

Oh sweet, sweet heavenly peanut butter mixture. You speak to me.

Melt the chocolate chips in a double boiler. If you don’t have one of those then carefully CAREFULLY melt them in the microwave. It’s a surprisingly tricky business. Use half power and nuke for one to two minutes tops, monitoring closely. I recommend stopping every 20 seconds or so and giving the chips a stir to see how they’re doing. Once the chips are mostly melted (but there are still a few solid chunks) they are done. Just keep stirring until the remaining solid bits melt and you’re good to go.

Listen to me. Put the peanut butter jar down. No more for you. None. And stay out of the chocolate. Nobody wants your fingers in their dessert. Focus.

My chocolate senses are tingling.

Using a rubber spatula-scraper-thingy, spread the ooey melted chocolate evenly on top of the layer of pure peanut buttery heaven. Go slowly and do your best not to get any peanut butter bits in the chocolate or else all your friends will know you’re incompetent, and they will point and laugh at you in mockery. (Note: If this situation occurs, tell your friends they can go get bent and that you’ll keep all the peanut butter bars for yourself.)

Refrigerate for at least an hour. Cut, serve, gloat, and enjoy the sugar coma.

Nobody cares if you cut them straight or not. They’re just interested in the peanut butter.

tl;dr

See also

• No-Bake Reese’s Peanut Butter Bars
• My All-Time Favorite Treat … No-Bake Peanut Butter Bars
• No-Bake Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars