Random revisit: The Gazebo

meter-great-haIt’s no secret that I love The Gazebo‘s crazy breakfasts, so I was a little hesitant to go there for lunch. I wasn’t worried that it would let me down or anything like that – I just didn’t want to miss out on any epic breakfast win. Still, any visit to this place is bound to be a good visit, and I wasn’t disappointed.

The Gazebo is only open until 2pm, so the only late lunch you’ll have there is no lunch at all. My wife and I showed up at 1pm to try and avoid whatever crowd may have been present, and we were rewarded with an immediate seating. There were only one or two empty tables in the whole place though, so they weren’t exactly lacking for patrons.

” What’s that rice thing they’re eating over there? “

I’m a big Monte Cristo fan, which figures because it’s probably the least healthy “sandwich” imaginable. For the uninitiated, a Monte Cristo is simply a ham and cheese sandwich dipped in egg batter and pan fried. It’s typically served with powdered sugar and some sort of fruit preserves, so it has the whole sweet-and-savory thing going for it. I scanned the menu in the hopes I’d find one… Bingo! Monte Cristo, front and center. I’m having that.

The Gazebo's version of the Monte Cristo has two kinds of cheese and both ham and turkey.

The Gazebo’s version of the Monte Cristo has two kinds of cheese and both ham and turkey.

My counterpart liked the sound of the BBQ Kahlua pork sandwich, but she had also spotted another dish that got her attention as we were walking in. “What’s that rice thing they’re eating over there?” she asked our waitress, pointing to another table. The waitress told us it was their breakfast fried rice, and that it was still available if we wanted some. It was just too tempting to pass up, so we went ahead and ordered a side of it. There’s nothing wrong with having some leftover Gazebo food in the fridge back at the condo.

Everything but (probably and) the kitchen sink.

Everything but (probably and) the kitchen sink.

Our food arrived and we were just impressed as we have always been with The Gazebo. The Monte Cristo ranked as one of the best examples of the breed that I have ever encountered; it had the perfect amount of batter and wasn’t the slightest bit greasy. The Kahlua pork sandwich was relatively standard but also very delicious, and there wasn’t a trace of any disgusting fatty pork bits that so often plague such dishes. The real star of the show turned out to be the breakfast fried rice – we liked it so much we’re inspired to try making it at home one of these times. It was jam packed with bits of ham, sausage, egg, and who knows what else. We loved it.

The Gazebo’s excellent standing in my list of favorites remains unchanged. They are quite obviously just as adept at mid-day meals as they are at breakfast, and I can’t recommend enough that you pay them a visit.

The Gazebo
5315 Lower Honoapiilani Road
Lahaina, HI 96761
(808) 669-5621
www.mauihawaii.org

Kahlua Pork. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Kahlua Pork. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.



Xanh

meter-goodXanh is a Vietnamese restaurant. The sign outside specifically mentions this, I assume to prevent would-be customers from confusing the place with a Piers Anthony novel. Really though, Xanh is more of an Asian fusion type of eatery centered around Vietnamese themes. Don’t let the extremely posh post-modern decor fool you; there are some tasty eats to be found here.

“We need to get going. We’re meeting people for dinner tonight, remember?” my wife said.

“Oh yeah, that’s right,” I lied. “I was just going to get dressed.” I changed into some socially acceptable clothes, grabbed the car keys, and drove us to downtown Mountain View.

I had no idea there was a night club on board the Starship Enterprise.

I had no idea there was a night club on board the Starship Enterprise.

” We felt somewhat on display as we thumb wrestled crustaceans “

As we walked into the back entrance of Xahn, I was immediately struck by the über-chic decor and the muted beatnik electronica rhythms pulsing through the restaurant’s invisible sound system. The overall ambience is about halfway between a black-turtlenecks-only spoken word coffee bar and a full blown rave. Excitingly hidden colored lights abound throughout the establishment, pointing at all sorts of interesting angles and highlighting pretty much everything.

They’re trying too hard to be hip,” said my better half.

“Well, yeah, but they’re kind of doing it,” I replied. As I looked around the crazy decor I noticed a quiet section of wall where half a dozen Michelin Guide dining awards hung. That was a surprise, and also a good sign.

This particular wall is decorated like an alcoholic police car.

This particular wall is decorated like an alcoholic police car.

The people we were supposed to meet hadn’t arrived yet, so we decided to have a drink while we waited. Although the wide selection of on-tap beers made me very happy, I immediately felt way too old to be sitting at the clinically modern bar. In fact, nearly everybody I know would be either too old to be at this bar or simply not old enough to drink. Take your current age in years and subtract 21; that’s how many years ago you should have hung out here, but certainly not now. If you asked me to describe the bar’s decor with a single, hyphenated phrase (Let’s just pretend like you did), I would call it “techno-sterile.”

We decided that a table would be a better place for us to hang out, so we sat down and began reviewing the extensive menus. “XANH” was stylistically written in large, modern font across the cover of each menu. I couldn’t help but notice that, when viewed upside-down (i.e., from the other side of the table) it spelled “HNVX”, which just so happens to be the sound a Rottweiler makes when choking on a kazoo. It’s an odd thing to print on a menu cover.

Primiti too taa nnz kkr muu?

Primiti too taa nnz kkr muu?

We ordered some crispy pot stickers and Kobe rolls as appetizers, and in just a couple of minutes they arrived at our table; HNVX certainly receives high marks for prompt service. As advertised, the pot stickers were crispy and delectable, the chicken-and-shrimp filling was excellent, and the soy vinaigrette was a wonderful addition. The real star for me were the Kobe rolls, which were very much like traditional spring rolls with the added bonus of delicious steak. The crispy shallots sprinkled across the plate were like miniature oniony potato chips, only better. The provided clear sauce was so mild, however, that it almost had no flavor at all. It wasn’t bad per se, it was just mostly a why-bother type of affair.

Each pot sticker was inexplicably perched atop a weird and stumpy spoon-ladel. Alrighty then.

Each pot sticker was inexplicably perched atop a weird and stumpy spoon-ladel. Alrighty then.

As we finished the appetizers, I noted that our dinner double date was now officially 30 minutes tardy. Suddenly, my spouse declared, “Oh, I just realized that we’re supposed to be meeting them next weekend, not today. Sorry! Should we order dinner?”

Oh for the sake of… You know what though? This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. We got to eat at a new restaurant and try a couple things on the menu we normally wouldn’t have. We confided the scheduling error to the understanding and patient waitstaff, booked another table for the following weekend, and ordered some shrimp with garlic noodles (one of HNVX’s most popular entrees) to share.

Release the Kraken!

Release the Kraken!

The garlic noodles were quite good, but honestly they were not the very best I’ve ever had. I would certainly order them again, and in fact I’d recommend that you do so as well, but for me they weren’t a drop-everything type of dish. The shrimp were also very tasty but again, not alone worth seeking out this restaurant for. One of my problems with this entree in particular was how difficult it was to eat. The shrimp themselves were large enough to require license plates, but the only utensils we were provided were a fork, a spoon, and a pair of slippery metal chopsticks. Our options were to A) pick up a shrimp with chopsticks and chew on the end of it, B) stab a shrimp with a fork and chew on the end of it, C) attempt to saw a shrimp in half using a spoon, or D) eat the entire dish with our hands, primate style. None of these options worked out very well (we had a minor noodle explosion at one point) and we felt somewhat on display as we thumb wrestled crustaceans amidst the stylish and surgically clean decor.

In the end I found that I had enjoyed HNVX (ok, Xanh) quite a bit in spite of its idiosyncrasies and “sleepy rave” decor. I rate it 32 out of 40 backlit vodka bottles, making it worth the trek to Mountain View if you’re reasonably near the area. The food was very good, the service was quick, and the bill was reasonable. I’m looking forward to exploring the menu further when we head back here next weekend, but I need to shop for black turtlenecks and glow sticks first.

Xanh
110 Castro Street
Mountain View, CA 94041
(650) 964-1888
www.xanhrestaurant.com
Xanh on Urbanspoon

UPDATE
This restaurant is so nice I reviewed it twice: Random Revisit: Xanh

These little gems were Kobe-licious.

These little gems were Kobe-licious.


Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie Shop

meter-ha-Everybody likes pie, and everybody likes Hawaii. So what’s a person to do when they want both at the same time? They go to Leoda’s of course. Simple.

"You got your pie shop on my island!" "You got your island under my pie shop!"

“You got your pie shop on my island!” “You got your island under my pie shop!”

” It was as though angels had trained a thousand tiny unicorns to poop apples instead of candy corn “

During one of our many drives around Maui, my wife and I decided that we could use an afternoon snack. We’d have been fine making a meal of it, but we had dinner plans for later so an hors d’ oeuvre would have to do. A friend had recommended to us that we check out this pie place in Lahaina, and since we were in the area we headed into town and started looking around …and we found absolutely nothing. Huh? Oh, alright fine, what does Google Maps say? Seven miles away. In Hawaii that’s 90 minutes of driving. As it turns out, you see, Lahaina is an entire district and not just a town. Heavy sigh.

State of Hawaii: 1
Clueless tourists: 0

Feeling better educated and also somewhat silly, we got back in the car and drove down the road while quietly starving to death. Eventually the Terse Navigation Lady that lives inside Hertz GPS units alerted us to make a left turn RIGHT NOW into oncoming traffic, which we did, and hey! There was a big sign with “Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie Shop” written on it right in front of us. Totally worth the risk to life and property.

Just look at all those pies! piespiespiespiespiespiespiespiespiespiespies

Just look at all those pies! piespiespiespiespiespiespiespiespiespiespies

A funny thing occurs when you’re hungry enough to eat your own cargo shorts and are suddenly faced with several hundred delicious pies. Your jaw begins to flap around on its own while your brain attempts to work out the quickest way to absorb as many calories as possible, making comprehensible speech quite a challenge. Luckily my wife was there to translate my slurred caveman mumbles into “One apple hand pie and one banana cream mini pie please.” We walked to a nearby table (I shuffled), sat down, and got to work on our noms.

A flaky, sugary pouch of pure apple goodness.

A flaky, sugary pouch of pure apple goodness.

It’s possible that our harrowing navigation experience made me appreciate life more or maybe I was just that hungry, but the apple hand pie was damn near the finest dessert food I have ever experienced. I don’t know why they call it a “hand pie” though. Despite the fact that it appeared to be travel friendly and pick-uppable, even so much as a sideways glance was enough to make it disintegrate into a flaky pile of pureed pie bits. This weakness was also the crust’s strength, however, because it was amazingly delicate and light while at the same time being flavorful, buttery, crispy… It was perfection, really. The apple filling, believe it or not, was slightly better than that. It was as though angels had trained a thousand tiny unicorns to poop apples instead of candy corn, and then made a pie out it. It was unreal.

What a cute little pie. I could just eat it all up! (Actually, I did.)

What a cute little pie. I could just eat it all up! (Actually, I did.)

We were so impressed with the pies (the banana cream was crazy good too) that we came back a couple days later for lunch. Of course we got another apple hand pie and also a rather tasty burger. I decided to make a late breakfast out of the meal and ordered a savory biscuit (herbs and cheese) as well as a bacon and egg hand pie. This turned out to be about five times more food than we needed, but we were very keen to try as much of the menu as possible. I’m happy to report that everything we ate at Leoda’s was amazing, but nothing quite matched the magic of that first apple pie.

Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie Shop qualifies as a must-visit whenever you find yourself on Maui and earns 999 out of 1,000 tiny, angel-trained unicorns. Bring your appetite, a pair of elastic pants, and a shop vac for cleaning up pie crust crumbs.

Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie Shop
820 Olowalu Village Road
Lahaina, HI 96761
(808) 662-3600
www.leodas.com
Leoda's Kitchen and Pie Shop on Urbanspoon

The bacon and egg handheld isn't exactly a typical Hawaiian breakfast, but it sure is tasty.

The bacon and egg handheld isn’t exactly a typical Hawaiian breakfast, but it sure is tasty.


The Melt

meter-great+The people who work at The Melt have been spying on me. They must have been. It’s one thing for a restaurant to have exactly what I want to eat and just the right sides and drinks, but to have only those things? Yeah, coincidence my butt.

The other day I found myself wandering around Stanford Shopping Center, a well-to-do outdoorsy mall type place right in the middle of Palo Alto. It’s a nice place to shop and all, but it’s not really my cup of tea. If I was in the market for a size minus three cocktail dress or a Swarovski encrusted penguin, I’d probably think this mall was the bees knees. What I really wanted was lunch, though, and the standard mall fare I’d found so far just wasn’t cutting it. After what seemed like tens of minutes of searching, I finally located a directory with actual directions on it. (Mini rant: Why has every mall in America replaced their maps with advertisements? Ads do no good at all if I can’t find the stupid stores they go to.) As I scanned the the directory I spied The Melt. That sounded to me like either a heated yoga studio or a Modern English souvenir store, both very likely choices in a place like Palo Alto. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to check it out.

With a name like The Melt, there'd better be cheese involved. Lots of it.

With a name like The Melt, there’d better be cheese involved. Lots of it.

I made my way to the other end of the mall, dodging Armani baby strollers by the dozen and doing a pretty good OJ-Simpson-in-an-airport impersonation in the process. As I made my way through yet another swarm of people in overpriced Pilates outfits, I caught a glimpse of The Melt. The restaurant sports a clean, utopian orange-and-white color scheme and a menu straight out of my dreams.

First thing on the menu: Grilled cheese. OMG

Second thing on the menu: Grilled cheese. …and then I fainted.

The interior decorating style is half In-N-Out Burger, half IKEA.

The interior decorating style is half In-N-Out Burger, half IKEA.

” That sounded to me like either a heated yoga studio or a Modern English souvenir store “

The entire menu, in fact, revolves around this single, exquisitely perfect food. There are different choices for bread, cheese, and various add-ins (like bacon!), and there are also soups and salads to be had. The beverage menu is equally brief, with the primary choices being iced tea, lemonade, and water. It’s perfect.

It took me exactly 12.7 seconds to notice the Mac Daddy, a grilled cheese WITH MACARONI AND CHEESE IN IT. Holy heck I love this place. One of those please with, oh yes, a side Caesar salad and an iced tea. Talk about a slam dunk. To top things off the cashier asked, “Would you like chips or a pickle?” PICKLE! Hot dang this place is on fire.

Macaroni and cheese IN a grilled cheese sandwich. *eye twitch*

Macaroni and cheese IN a grilled cheese sandwich. *eye twitch*

I filled up the environmentally friendly plastic-like cup with tea and settled down to enjoy my golden, crispy, macaroni-y lunch. The thing that surprised me was not the high quality of the food, but how well portioned everything was. My grilled cheese wasn’t a super duper über mega glutton-size sandwich – it was just a sandwich. The iced tea was a respectable (and refillable) 20 ounces, and the salad was …well, salad-sized. Outstanding. It was just enough to eat without making me split my pants, and yet it was still delicious and awesome. Somewhere along the way our society has managed to forget that more doesn’t always equal better; it’s nice to see that someone remembered. Add to that some snazzy online ordering tools and lightning quick service, and we’ve got ourselves a real winner here.

If I had to nitpick something, it would be what my lunch was served in. Instead of plates or plastic containers, The Melt opts for reusable wire mesh baskets lined with a single sheet of what looks like wax paper. I well and truly appreciate the environmentally friendly approach – really, I do – but eating salad off of a piece of paper just doesn’t work. By the end of my meal the paper had soaked through with dressing, leaving large soggy holes for the lettuce to fall through to the maybe-clean counter top directly below. Gross.

In spite of the eating receptacle issues, I rate The Melt a phenomenal 9.3 out of 10 metric tons of cheddar. If you’re a grilled cheese fanatic like I am, you owe it to yourself to grab a bite here.

The Melt
Multiple locations around the Bay Area (and many other places)
www.themelt.com
The Melt on Urbanspoon

I may never eat anywhere else again.

I may never eat anywhere else again.


Ulupalakua Ranch

meter-good-greatBelieve it or not, there are elk on Maui. I know that’s an odd way to begin a food blog entry, but there’s a very good reason for that: You can eat them. Granted, you have to drive halfway up a mountain to do it, but it’s worth the trip. Unless you’re one of the elk.

Ulupalakua Ranch (say that three times real fast) is not exactly the type of place you just swing by for a bite, unless perhaps you have a helicopter. [Note to self: Buy helicopter, move to Maui.] Getting to this place takes time, research, a potentially voided rental car contract, and the better part of a tank of gas. Ulupalakua Ranch is nestled on the side of Haleakala, Maui’s eastern most mountain peak. Fun fact: That last sentence represents 100% of my knowledge of Hawaiian geography.

Open 11am to 3pm. My kind of working hours.

Open 11am to 3pm. My kind of working hours.

After a somewhat tiring but breathtakingly scenic drive, my blushing bride and I found ourselves standing outside the ranch store. The only thing we’d had to eat for the past several hours was a half a package of dried pineapple and some samples of lavender tea, so we were good and ready for some real food, dammit. We walked to the back corner of the store and found a modestly-sized menu board with a number of tasty options. As you’d expect from an eatery located on a ranch, most of the menu choices had hooves at one point – no complaints here. For the more empathetic types out there, Ulupalakua Ranch also offers salads and garden burgers.

Hey, cows eat grass right? So eating cows is like eating green stuff by delegating. Works for me.

Hey, cows eat grass right? So eating cows is like eating green stuff by delegating. Works for me.

” Most of the menu choices had hooves at one point “

I considered the elk burger for a while (apparently it’s excellent), but I was feeling more hungry than adventurous so I ordered the beef burger with Swiss and bacon. Baaacconnnnn. My wife was braver than I was and decided on a lamb burger with cheddar and barbecue sauce. Hmm, not too sure about that, but I guess we’ll see. Lamb is one of those things that’s either just amazing or absolutely horrifyingly awful, depending on the quality and freshness of the cut. The closer it is to prancing and bleating, the better.

While we waited for our food we browsed the rest of the store. It contained a charming and eclectic mix of Hawaiian knick-knacks and cowboy gear, as well as a decent collection of locally produced food items. We grabbed a couple bags of Maui onion potato chips (that were made in Texas *cough*) and headed out to the patio.

Just look at that beefy, bacony masterpiece.

Just look at that beefy, bacony masterpiece.

Our burgers came straight off of the grill a few minutes later, perched atop impossibly fresh toasted buns and accompanied by a standard collection of toppings. The beef burger, although straightforward and otherwise unremarkable, was one of the juiciest and most flavorful I have experienced in a very long time. I guess it helps when your beef comes from the other side of your own property instead of the globe.

As for the lamb burger… Ok, honestly I was a bit apprehensive to give it a try but hey! It wasn’t bad at all. In fact it was downright superb, and I was quite pleasantly surprised. My wife began thwacking me on the head with a plastic utensil as I stole another large bite of her sandwich, saying something about “Hey, go get your own!” I was too engrossed in the excellent flavor to really notice, so I just pretended not to hear. (It works when I’m being beckoned outside for yard work, so why not right?)

Ulupalakua Ranch earns an honest and enjoyable 11.3 out of 15 gallons of rental car gas. It’s a bit too far off the beaten path to really make it worth the effort, but if you’re already on that side of Maui definitely pay this place a visit. If you’re crazy enough to attempt the drive to Hana, this also makes a very nice stop along the way.

Ulupalakua Ranch
HC 1
Box 901
Kula, HI 96790
www.ulupalakuaranch.com
Ulupalakua Ranch Store on Urbanspoon

Lamb and cheddar with barbecue sauce. It shouldn't work, but it does.

Lamb and cheddar with barbecue sauce. It shouldn’t work, but it does.