Napa Valley Burger Company

Posted on 11/01/2014 by Randomly Edible

This is a story about pickle fries. Other things happen in this story, but none of them are as noteworthy as the pickle fries. There is a restaurant, a town, some weather, a couple of dogs, and even some other remarkable food, but all of these things revolve around that one, single most important dish: Those dreamy, crispy, pickle fries. Holy smoley. Before I spend too much more time worshiping those fries, I should probably take a step back and explain how it was that I had the opportunity to eat them.

” The pickle fries did eventually run out, and that made us sad “

It was a ridiculously glorious day in Sausalito, one of those days that are so excruciatingly perfect that you can’t help but to post a picture of the cloudless blue sky on Facebook and say “neener neener” to all of the unfortunate people who don’t live in California. My wife Shawn, fellow dog wrangler and honorary food blog enabler, and I were strolling the streets of Sausalito, enjoying the 75 degree weather and looking for a place to eat. We passed a couple of somewhat promising establishments, but then we spotted the Napa Valley Burger Company. One glance at the menu and we knew this was the place to eat.

Everyone who walks by this place says to themselves, ‘Damn, I should have eaten here.’

The limited outdoor seating was completely full, but we got lucky and nabbed a table within about five minutes. We were basically sitting right in the middle of a crowded Sausalito sidewalk, but it made for good people watching and kept our two fluffy little dogs occupied as well. Our attentive waitperson stopped by immediately to take our drink orders and fawn over the dogs, much to the satisfaction of all parties involved.

We were all settled in a few minutes later with drinks and a bowl water for the pups. We ordered some pickle fries, a Stinson Beach BBQ Burger, and a Yountville Burger, our waitperson nodding with approval as she scribbled on her notepad. “That’s the three most popular items on the menu, in order” she said. “The pickle fries are my favorite.”

Oh. My. GAWDUH.

In just a few minutes the pickle fries arrived. It had been bothering me to this point that they were called “pickle fries” instead of the obviously much more grammatically accurate “fried pickles”, because that’s what they are. Pickles that are fried. Right? When I saw them in person, though, I understood the subtle genius of it all. They are fries that have pickles in them. Thin, julienne strips of pickle are thickly coated in the most wonderful cornmeal batter concoction and fried to crispy, crunchy, salty perfection. Heaven. If you don’t like fried pickles, these still might not change your mind all that much, but if you enjoy this sort of thing you will be stunned at how good they are. At this point Shawn said, “You know you have to rate this place 10-out-of-10 no matter what else happens, right?” That’s certainly the direction we’re trending here, no doubt about it.

There was a giant wafer of fried cheese stuck in the top of my burger as a garnish. Epic win.

Next up the burgers arrived, and we were not disappointed. They were piled high, cooked just so, and were absolutely amazing. The applewood bacon on my burger was thick, layered, and deliciously smoky underneath a blanket of garlic aioli and oozy, melted Gruyere. The accompanying burger across the table (from which I stole many bites) was equally superb; the stars of that particular show being the crispy onion ring and generously applied bourbon barbecue sauce. Accompanying each of the burgers were artsy-looking side salads, the kind I am usually not impressed with. Just to be thorough, I went ahead and ate some of mine… and it was excellent! I don’t know what they put in the dressing – I guess perhaps heroin – but it was just hands-down plain old delicious. I can’t believe this place, even the stupid salads are awesome.

This has to be one of the top ten burgers in the Bay Area.

As incredible as the burgers were, however, we found ourselves constantly going back to the basket of pickle fries, desperately scraping the bottom of the container that once held heavenly dill ranch dipping sauce. We boxed up the leftover halves of our burgers and sat in contentment a while, enjoying the warm sun and jealous stares of passers by. Our only dislike of the entire meal was that the pickle fries did eventually run out, and that made us sad. We paid our bill, left a healthy 25% tip for the top notch service we received, and walked away as extremely satisfied customers. I am always reluctant to hand out perfect ratings, but I’ll still give Napa Valley Burger Company 199 out of 200 delicious, delicious pickle fries. We’ll be back soon. Oh yes, we will.

Napa Valley Burger Company
670 Bridgeway
Sausalito, CA 94965
(415) 332-1454
www.napavalleyburgercompany.com

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I can has?

Standard Restaurant Review Disclaimer
The ambiguous and illogical rating system used in this review is not intended to be pinpoint accurate. It’s only there to give you a general idea of how much I like or dislike an establishment, and it also gives me an excuse to write silly things. If my rating system angers and distracts you, there’s a good chance you have control issues. I would also like to point out that I am not a highly qualified restaurant reviewer person, nor do I particularly care what that job is called. If you were under the impression that perhaps I was one of those people, consider your hopes dashed. Lastly, wow! You read the entire disclaimer. You get a gold star on your chart today.

The Bay Fish & Chips

Posted on 10/27/2014 by Randomly Edible

The Bay Fish & Chips is one of those places I really want to like. It may actually be good, but my one experience with it was a bit lacking. I can’t even really say that it was one particular thing that put me off about this place; the whole experience was like a never-ending chain of small disappointments that ultimately resulted in an overall opinion of “meh”.

” Weird, blue cups of water “

For starters, the spousal unit and I (for simplicity I’ll just say “we” from here on out) were finally recovering from a relatively terrible meal and we decided that we had earned something fried and tasty for our sacrifice. Fish and chips sounded dandy, and so we consulted Google for a local place we hadn’t tried yet. We drove a short couple miles down the street, following our GPS, and arrived at a strange and mildly unpleasant shopping center growing cyst-like on the side of El Camino Real. Tiny disappointment #1. Ok, well… Sometimes the best places are in grungy little shopping centers. I hope.

Sorry carlwuzhere for stealing this picture from your blog. Either you can sue me or I can give you like five bucks if you want.

Actually, you know what… The signage mounted in the corner of that shopping center archway looks fairly professional. Wait a second. That big archway thing isn’t actually the front of an entire restaurant, it’s just an empty shell covering a weird, sad little space hidden in the corner. Tiny disappointment #2.

Welcome to 1982. Do you like our wood paneling?

Now you can’t really photograph odor, so instead I opted for a picture of the menu board. As we walked in the door we realized that this place is not what we expected. It smelled like a noodle shop or similar Asian-style fast food joint, which is not a bad thing at all, of course, but it’s jarring when you are expecting to encounter the smell of… oh, I don’t know… perhaps fish and chips? It’s like going to take a big swig of your 7up only to discover that it’s tonic water. Euugh. Neither are bad things, but when you want one you usually don’t want the other. The place was also completely empty during lunch hour on a weekend, which was off-putting. Tiny disappointments #3 and #4.

Seriously, what’s with those cups?

We skipped over the wonton soup and shrimp cake options on the menu and ordered what we came for: fried sea animal parts. The person at the register – I presume one of the owners – was courteous, fast, friendly, and happy to see customers. She invited us to choose whatever table we liked and brought us tartar sauce, vinegar, and cups of water. Weird, blue cups of water. Tupperware cups like what you’d find in the bargain aisle of a 1970s Walmart. Tiny disappointment #5. Around then I noticed the decor, a painfully stereotypical arrangement of wood paneling and gilded “paintings” of sailing ships braving untamed seas. If you looked closely at the paintings, you could see that each had a thin veneer of once-airborne fish fryer oil that had condensed into sticky little vertical driplets. Tiny disappointment #6. We tried not to touch the paintings (or the walls) and waited.

Well, it’s fish and chips alright.

I’ve spent a lot of time so far talking about all the things I didn’t like leading up to the one thing that matters: The food. A restaurant can get pretty much everything else wrong, but if they manage to produce an amazing plate of grub then quite a lot can be forgiven. Unfortunately, the fish and chips were not amazing. They were hot and crispy and overall just fine, but they weren’t exceptional. The fish was fair and very slightly too oily, and the fries were the standard crinkle-cut variety. Tiny disappointment #7. The surprising star of the show was the tartar sauce. I couldn’t tell if it was scratch made or not, but it was excellent. Certainly not a disappointment.

We left The Bay Fish & Chips unsure of whether or not we liked it. Both of us felt a little greasy from the experience, and neither of us seemed to be genuinely satisfied. The other online reviews for this restaurant are generally very positive, so I’m willing to give it another try to see if my opinion improves. From my limited experience here, however, I have to rate this place a slightly disappointing 5 out of 8 oily nautical paintings. Oh, oil paintings. I made an accidental funny.

The Bay Fish & Chips
826 W El Camino Real
Sunnyvale, CA 94087
(408) 732-5665
Google it

Follow @RandomlyEdible

Standard Restaurant Review Disclaimer
The ambiguous and illogical rating system used in this review is not intended to be pinpoint accurate. It’s only there to give you a general idea of how much I like or dislike an establishment, and it also gives me an excuse to write silly things. If my rating system angers and distracts you, there’s a good chance you have control issues. I would also like to point out that I am not a highly qualified restaurant reviewer person, nor do I particularly care what that job is called. If you were under the impression that perhaps I was one of those people, consider your hopes dashed. Lastly, wow! You read the entire disclaimer. You get a gold star on your chart today.

Tarpy’s Roadhouse

Posted on 10/23/2014 by Randomly Edible

Once upon a time, in a land not all that far away, there lived a happy Couple that were soon to be wed. They wanted their wedding to be the most perfect day that ever was, so they set out on a grand adventure to find the perfect location. Their heads were giddy in wonder of all the beautiful places along the Monterey Peninsula where they sought to exchange their vows.

Long they tarried in this land of coastal delight, sampling dainties and gazing at many-hued sunsets. It was said in legend of Monterey that it was the place of the Newly Wed or the Nearly Dead; and so it was true! The Couple discovered many young Princes and Princesses dancing gaily amongst silver-haired and wizened ancient beings. And yet all that were to be seen were happy, and the Couple decided that Monterey was still the ideal place for their nuptials.

Inside awaiteth many delicious things.

Soon the Couple’s journey led them to Tarpy’s Roadhouse, a mystical… house… on the road… or something. And yet they cared not for the pedestrian name because the wonders of the kitchen had no equal! They dined on succulent lamb, rich bounties of the sea, and mesmerizing cocktails. Surely this was the place for the post-wedding feast, and so the Couple signed an accord with the kind Lady Tarpy herself, or so the event coordinator assured them she was, and so ensured a feast that would equal no other.

Pleased with their progress and fortified with the finest meal they could recall, the Couple’s next task was to seek out a grand palace to host their ceremony. First they visited the Baron of the Leaping Dolphin, who showed them a waterfront plaza of such splendor that the Couple immediately knew that their search was over. But the greedy Baron had other plans! He chuckled an evil chuck and drew forth a vile contract from the folds of his cloak; and he asked the Couple to sign it in blood!

The leaping dolphins were but the doorhandles on the fiery gates of the Underworld!

“But what does the contract say O Baron, and why musteth we sign with such ink?” asked the groom-to-be.

“It says thou shallt consume only vittles prepared by my own hand!” laughed the Baron while pushing out a small fart.

“Alas, I fear your kitchen skills mayeth suck compared to the wondrous Roadhouse du Tarpy” fretted the concerned bride-to-be.

“And so my skills do suck!” guffawed the Baron. “There are but few who can burn water like me.”

The Couple quickly took counsel in one another, discussing what to do next. Their hearts ached to leave behind the magnificent waterfront plaza, but they could not bear the shame of serving their guests a disgusting meal. And so they told the Baron to put his contract where the sun shineth not, and they left.

Next they visited the benevolent hermit of the Pacific Grove Parks & Open Space Department. He was a gentle sort and was pleased to help the Couple in any way he could. “Thou willst not be safe from the rain in any part of my domain,” said the hermit sadly. “And yet I would gladly host the finest outdoor wedding ye has ever known, albeit a bit soggy. Also, I don’t provide lawn chairs.” Heartbroken, the Couple bid the gentle hermit a fond farewell and continued on their way.

Beautiful yet moist Pacific Grove.

They journeyed for many more days and nights, and their fortunes repeated themselves over and over. The Dutchess of Carmel DoubleTree declared, “Thou shallst eat nought but hotel food or get thou lost.” The child-prince of the Monterey Community Services Division said simply, “Huh?” And still the Couple continued on, dejected and lost. Then suddenly, the Couple smacked one another upon the head and knew the answer! Their wedding shouldsteth be at Tarpy’s!

The legendary Library of Tarpy.

And so they returned to the welcoming arms of Lady Tarpy, and she offered to them the beautiful Courtyard for their ceremony and the historic Library for the reception, and they were glad. The wedding was beautiful in spite of being overflown by cargo jets, and the guests of the newlyweds feasted on wondrous colossal shrimp and the exquisitely prepared flesh of turf-beasts. And the Priest said, “I declare you man and wife, and may you dine at Tarpy’s every year on the date of your vows.” And the newlywed Couple agreed that it should be so.

Exactly ten years later, the Couple continues to live happily ever after. They visited the Lady Tarpy as decreed, and they brought with them the Count and Countess of the great and overpriced kingdom Francisco of San. Lady Tarpy proffered to them seats within the sunny courtyard and sold to them lunch specials fit for royalty. To prepare their appetites for the feast, fried pickles with mystical and unidentified Creamy Sauce were served first. They included many different types of pickled vegetables that were amazing, especially with the mysteriously delicious sauce. Only the Count Francisco of San disapproved of the fried pickles, and the others declared him to be a stinky buttface.

Pickles of frying with Creamy Sauce.

The brisket biscuit, also intended to whet appetites, was universally praised. Special notice was taken of the bountiful and crispy coleslaw upon which the brisket sat.

Brisket contained within biscuit.

Next was served forth a filet mignon devised into a sandwich made of freshly toasted garlic-upon-bread. Within this heavenly envelope was also added pungent bluish cheese and straws of onion-make, and three of the party were struck dumb with awe. The fourth cared not for the bluish cheese but agreed that the sandwich was otherwise divine.

A heavenly concoction of bread and cow.

The last of the savory dishes was rib bones of the boar. They were tender and englazened with succulent sauce, but alas they were not par with the rest of the meal. The Couple still enjoyed the rib bones, but they had not the courage to inform Lady Tarpy that the other dishes were superior.

Riblets of a fallen beast.

The time had come to review the desserting menu, and none could decide which of the dainties was best. Then, as a ray of sunlight through clouds, they beheld the words “large dessert sampler” and knew it was the only true choice to be made. And so they told the waitpersoness, and soon a mighty dish of many sweet things was brought forth.

The renowned Platter of Many Cavities.

All who were seated at the table ate like ravenous wild things, each choosing a different favorite. After much debate and the unbuttoning of pants, it was agreed that all of the desserts were of equal and exceptional quality. And they were glad.

So ends this tale of the ten-year-revisit of Tarpy’s Roadhouse. The service and gastric delights continue to be of the utmost quality, neither too aristocratic nor too ignoble. It ranks quite highly compared to other dining halls, and shouldst one find themselves in the area they would be wise to pay Tarpy’s a visit.

Tarpy’s Roadhouse
2999 Salinas Highway
Monterey, CA 93940
(831) 647-1444
www.tarpys.com

Follow @RandomlyEdible

Welcome to thee, all who desire to become fat.

Standard Restaurant Review Disclaimer
The ambiguous and illogical rating system used in this review is not intended to be pinpoint accurate. It’s only there to give you a general idea of how much I like or dislike an establishment, and it also gives me an excuse to write silly things. If my rating system angers and distracts you, there’s a good chance you have control issues. I would also like to point out that I am not a highly qualified restaurant reviewer person, nor do I particularly care what that job is called. If you were under the impression that perhaps I was one of those people, consider your hopes dashed. Lastly, wow! You read the entire disclaimer. You get a gold star on your chart today.

Portola Valley Lobster Shack

Posted on 10/21/2014 by Randomly Edible

Portola Valley Lobster Shack is nestled away in a corner of Ladera Shopping Center along Alpine Road in, you guessed it, Portola Valley. Confusingly, this restaurant is sometimes called Old Port Lobster Shack, because that’s the name listed on the website. There are also two other locations listed under the Old Port moniker, but only one of the three follows this naming convention.

Yeah, I know. My head hurts too.

“Note: Flavor molecules may not actually exist”

Weird naming quirks aside, Portola Valley Lobster Shack is a wonderful little place. It’s quintessentially New-England-ish in its decor and food choices, but unlike many establishments actually located in New England, the people at Portola Valley are polite and friendly. What’s that, you say? I’m implying that people on the east coast are rude? No, I’m not implying that at all, I’m stating it as a fact. Hey, I used to live there so shaddap. (There, how was that for east coast charm?)

The menu at Portola Valley is a joy to browse. It’s one of those places where you just want to say, “One of everything please” and eat yourself into a coma. On my first visit I wanted to try the clam chowder because, well, how else are you supposed to judge a seafood restaurant? Then I saw the fish and chips and wanted that, but then I saw the lobster rolls. Oh boy. Sold. Then, just as I was closing the menu, I saw the mac and cheese! I am a rabid fanatic of baked mac, and I ended up going for the pulled pork mac & cheese. Yes I know it’s not a seafood dish, but it sounded so amazing I just couldn’t resist.

Pulled pork on baked mac & cheese. *dies*

Before I knew it, my dish of baked heaven appeared before my eyes, and it was magnificent. The pulled pork was tender, smoky, and jammed with flavor molecules. (Note: Flavor molecules may not actually exist, but you get the idea.) The mac & cheese was excellent as well, but ever so slightly understated. This is actually a good thing because it worked well to highlight the pulled pork, undoubtedly the star of the show. Alone, though, it could have used a teeny bit more flavor and/or cheesiness. It was still all kinds of epic win though.

The brisket is remarkably good, especially for a seafood restaurant.

On subsequent visits and with additional fellow dinner-ists, I also got a chance to try the brisket sandwich. Yes yes, I can hear you whining that this is a review for a seafood place and I still have yet to try any actual seafood. Just keep your pants on, we’re getting to that. The brisket was on par with the pulled pork, meaning that it was very good indeed. The barbecue at this place is better than what you’d find at most dedicated barbecue places actually, and that fact goes a long way towards showing that the folks in the kitchen here really know what they’re doing.

I totally took this picture myself. Yep.

There, see? I finally got to the fish and chips. More specifically, it’s haddock and chips, which is a nice little detail that really impresses me. Haddock is fairly common anywhere near the Atlantic Ocean, but seeing haddock this far west means that this restaurant is serious about being New England-y. Don’t take my word for it though. I dragged a native Bostonian here to give it a try, and he wasn’t very thrilled… until he saw that it was haddock. At that point (and after tasting the fish and chips) he changed his tune completely and had nothing but very positive things to say. On yet another visit I overheard a guy from England make a point of flagging down one of the people running the restaurant and complimenting them on the food. “It’s the best fish and chips I have had outside of London” were his exact words. And yes, I agree – the fish and chips are that good here. They are spectacular in fact.

At the end of the day, Portola Valley Lobster Shack is an excellent place to grab a bite to eat. If you’re hankering for a taste of east coast seafood or a bit of barbecue, this is the place for you. Rumor has it they make a mean lobster roll and a dandy cup of chowder as well, but my opinions on those will have to wait for a revisit. I hereby bestow a rating of 35,098,552,670,980 flavor molecules (out of 38,000,000,000,000 of course), which should land this restaurant pretty close to the middle of your radar screen. Visit here soon.

Portola Valley Lobster Shack / Old Bay Lobster Shack
Multiple locations in the Bay Area
www.oplobster.com

Follow @RandomlyEdible

Lots of seating outdoors, not lots indoors.

Standard Restaurant Review Disclaimer
The ambiguous and illogical rating system used in this review is not intended to be pinpoint accurate. It’s only there to give you a general idea of how much I like or dislike an establishment, and it also gives me an excuse to write silly things. If my rating system angers and distracts you, there’s a good chance you have control issues. I would also like to point out that I am not a highly qualified restaurant reviewer person, nor do I particularly care what that job is called. If you were under the impression that perhaps I was one of those people, consider your hopes dashed. Lastly, wow! You read the entire disclaimer. You get a gold star on your chart today.

Gott’s Roadside

Posted on 10/13/2014 by Randomly Edible

Gott’s Roadside is an excellent place. For my own tastes, it’s damn near the perfect eatery. Gott’s serves burgers, shakes, salads, breakfast, and quite a number of other American-style classics. They upscale things a bit by also offering a selection of wines, and their beer list ain’t bad either. There isn’t any one thing I can put my finger on that this restaurant does better than its peers, but maybe the thing that sets Gott’s apart is its consistency. All I know is that the next time I’m in the mood for a burger, I’m coming straight back here.

” My continued fry pilfering did not go unnoticed “

After an exhausting weekend of really and truly intending to do a better job of eating healthy, my wife and I decided one little burger couldn’t hurt… right? And maybe a shake. With fries of course. Mmmm, fries. We almost tried to talk ourselves out of it, but it wasn’t long before our rumbling stomachs made us get in the car and drive to the new Gott’s Roadside that just opened near Stanford. The road to hell, it turns out, is paved with comfort food.

Great location, right on the corner of El Camino and Embarcadero.

Because I think I am smarter than my GPS unit, I decided to take El Camino from the South Bay all the way up to Palo Alto. Twelve years and several months later, we arrived at our destination. The right side of my face was getting a little sunburned from being subjected to the Spousal Glare of Death coming from the passenger seat, so I exited the car quickly and made sure to be as politely expedient as possible. We went inside, placed our orders at the cash register, and sat at a booth to await our grub.

Where is everybody?

The first thing that struck me about the restaurant is how empty it was during lunchtime on a Sunday afternoon. It may well be that Town & Country Village – the shopping center where Gott’s is located – is more of a weekday kind of spot, and I certainly hope that’s all it is. On the weekends, every parking lot in Palo Alto is jam-packed with Audis and Teslas, and every business is filled to bursting, largely with snooty people in expensive yoga pants… but apparently not today. Then again, Gott’s did just open, and things might just be taking a little while to ramp up.

If you don’t like po’ boys, you aren’t human. Sorry.

Suddenly our pager buzzed, interrupting my scornful musings of the upper middle class, and I hurried off to grab our food. Shawn’s crispy chicken po’ boy looked delicious, and so did her side order of fries. I had decided not to order any fries for myself because I didn’t really want any, but I figured stealing a couple of hers would probably be okay. They weren’t anything special, but sometimes regular old fries are just what you want. Having just another couple fries shouldn’t be a problem, I thought, and snagged a few more. Then a few more. Unfortunately, my continued fry pilfering did not go unnoticed. In a calm and pleasant voice, Shawn said, “I thought you didn’t want any fries.” At least I think that’s what she said, because the words I heard inside my head were “If you touch my food again, I will nail your skin to the Stanford tree mascot.” Regardless of what the exact statement was, I felt it was best to focus my appetite elsewhere.

Perfectly crispy but otherwise uninspiring fries. Then again, what else do you really need?

To my delight, I suddenly remembered that I had ordered a patty melt. Hooray! This diner classic is one of my favorites and one I am always looking for. It’s a tricky dish to get right, and all too often the bread turns into a soggy mess where it touches the hamburger patty… but not at Gott’s. The toasty rye bread was crisp and un-collapsed, the whole grain mustard was fantastic, and the grilled onions were flat-out amazing. And the cheese! I give Gott’s a huge thumbs-up for choosing Gruyere as the “melt” part of the patty melt. It was the highlight of the meal for me.

A patty melt! Surprisingly hard to find, but Gott’s has them.

We finished up our meal pleasantly satisfied but not overly full, and we agreed that Gott’s Roadside rocks. They somehow seem to have exactly what you want on the menu, and they do a great job of not screwing it up in the kitchen. The quality of the ingredients and preparation receive high marks, as do the speedy service, reasonable bill, and clean dining area. Gott’s may not knock you on your ass in sheer awe, but if you want a great, hiccup-free experience and some tasty grub then this is the place for you. I rate Gott’s an extremely solid 13 out of 14 stolen french fries, more than good enough to justify many repeat visits. Just don’t take El Camino to get there.

Gott’s Roadside
Multiple locations around the Bay Area
www.gotts.com

Follow @RandomlyEdible

There’s a little something here for everybody.

Standard Restaurant Review Disclaimer
The ambiguous and illogical rating system used in this review is not intended to be pinpoint accurate. It’s only there to give you a general idea of how much I like or dislike an establishment, and it also gives me an excuse to write silly things. If my rating system angers and distracts you, there’s a good chance you have control issues. I would also like to point out that I am not a highly qualified restaurant reviewer person, nor do I particularly care what that job is called. If you were under the impression that perhaps I was one of those people, consider your hopes dashed. Lastly, wow! You read the entire disclaimer. You get a gold star on your chart today.

Randomly Edible

Mostly a food blog. Sort of.

Category Archives: Pacific U.S.

Napa Valley Burger Company

The Bay Fish & Chips

Tarpy’s Roadhouse

Portola Valley Lobster Shack

Gott’s Roadside

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